Thursday, June 15, 2006

I'm just a weary pilgrim trying to find what feels like home

The city’s become familiar. Summer’s how I always knew it. The stuffy nights, the evenings spent sipping cocktails and liquors of all kinds, talking about the future and recapping the past. Friends whom I’ve not seen for months, streets that I’ve not walked on for months. The silky air wrapped itself around my body and held me tight, wishing that I’d never leave again. But without much struggle, I always managed to set myself free from her grip. After the long and sweaty days, the dense nights, I vanished into another realm and left this lovely city alone. I imprinted my being onto the streets and buildings but never allowed myself to be captured. The Danube whispered, the squares and parks yearned, the monuments of greatness murmured and yet I listened not to them, but to the call of a land far away that was home. They all knew that I would not return until the quenching heat descended on this magnificent capital again. Patiently they all waited, until one day I turned up in the middle of the autumn change. I let seasons come and go and now summer’s arrived and it’s unveiling a city before my eyes that I only know too well.

When the city so graciously unmasks itself before me, my only wish is to share it with you. So that you could see the river glittering gently as it travels down towards the warm sea. So that you could see the sun setting behind the hills of Buda on an evening when it’s pouring down with silky rain. So that you could see the trees and flowers proudly parading their colours around. Where are you? Honesty is the best weapon I have and this is the only forum in which I am brave enough to show my weakest part. Here I feel shielded from the incredible harshness of reality. Here everyone that never reads can never laugh.

Will you come and knock on my door, like you did all those years ago? Will you come and find me amongst the haze and the hay like you did all those years ago? For how could you, when you don’t even know me. You’re walking down streets that I’ve never walked on. You’re holding the hands of girls that you never intended to love. But I dream of you. I dream of belonging to you one day. One day when our paths cross finally and my eyes will catch yours and we will forever be in love. Even if now we’re roaming the world oblivious to each others’ existence, I know that one day, all that was unimportant will suddenly gain significance. Then I will read the poems you had made for me. Then I will listen to the songs you had sung for me. Then you will read the pages I had written for you. And once I love you completely and you love me completely all that’s around us will start to make sense. Life’s little glories will seem worthwhile and the glimmering sunshine will bring smiles onto our faces as we’re watching the streaming river tumble downwards to the warm warm sea.

My angel, you will hold me and whisper gently “stay”.

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