Notes to an absent lover

You whisper in my ear, soft, inaudible, that heaven waits. Waits one day.
I should follow, ahead, towards the light, my heart begs me to move.
The sky above opens when your words whisper to me.
I’m coming, slowly I’m on my way.
The ghost that you are, the sweet thought that you’ve become, the wish that your face turns into convince me of heaven.
I cannot but place one foot after the other and follow you home.
But I cannot walk as fast as you want.
The fog makes you disappear, I’m alone.
Pain shrinks my faith to a size no longer visible. The bed was never taken, I have always been alone.
My tears are heavy, they drip, like thickened blood mark my face. A face of longing.
I have no power, you are my all.
Your promise of heaven keeps me on the path that sees my body break to pieces.
Your ghost, an optical illusion, a beckoning force leads me further from what I know to be true.
I am tired.
And alone.
You play with the heart so careless.
You destroy me.
The breezy meadows and sweet fruits of pine trees, the scent of hope and the sight of success help me carry on.
Burdened and bound, determined and captive, I answer your whisper.
I rest when I see the moon’s been following.
I go nowhere, stand motionless, with feet cracked and lifeless from the endless walk.
Your love calls me. I move the unmovable.
With my useless feet and burdened body, I run towards our heaven.

The story of Micó and Maszat

I wish I could travel in time. Or at least have some say in determining its velocity, the force and speed at which it changes lives. Knowing the end would bring no immediate relief, but once apparent, time travel could be a viable option to see, revisit, and rekindle with those who are gone. To lessen the pain or even make indefinite a particularly finite entity.

I’m hurting but I’m not hurt.

There are no bruises on my body, but the loss, the void is painful. Almost unbearable to live with. The life I have known thus far had companions who made every day different. Because they taught me unquestioning love. They showed me non judgemental commitment. Honest emotion embodied in the twosome that were my Micó and Maszat. Oftentimes I would be humbled by the untiring and boundless love they showed each and every day. As if we were starting anew, all past malicious intent had been forgotten. The past existed only as a platform for formidable memories and nothing more. With them I learnt about life. With them I saw love. With their help I understood the importance of devotion. With them I saw truth.

I’m hurting but I’m not hurt.

Nowhere does pain pierce at me but my heart. Where I keep them, where they have been ripped from. My loves. My friends. My siblings. My children. My past. My childhood. My innocent years gone with you. Now comes the time when I’m alone to face the evils of man and beast alike. You can’t guide me, I can no longer see. The biggest adventures and most fierce but playful fights, the quiet and calm evenings by the fire, the many many houses and many different streets, the many adversaries and the family you called your own. After a year apart, you’ve joined forces, but I’m alone. I keep your sweet faces in my memory and will start thinking about the impossible task of letting go.

Goodbye. Know you’ve given me life. Know that I’ll be hurting for a while. Know that no others could have made our lives complete. Know that the love you carry will always stay.

Know that we’re hurting, but we’re not hurt.