The voice remained unrecognised. So close to my heart but somehow foreign in a setting that seemed unfamiliar at first. But how fitting! To sing the most personal song with the person who represents the most personal emotions. Whose music tore them apart or drove them closer. Just a final splinter, breaking the skin of her hand, lodging deep into the flesh, causing havoc and pain. Just a final push and now he’s won. He won the battle, he won the fight. He’s done.
Bitter, free, peaceful and lonely. There’s anger in tranquillity and there’s motion in stillness. And I’m swept away by the desire. The grace that so unexpectedly descends. That almost lurks, awaits the right moment, then traps the soul with one carefully aimed arrow. I am caught and will forever be held captive by those notes. By these words. By this voice, by this man, by this gentle loneliness. The moment will surely pass, the sudden infatuation will subside, but the deeper yearning will stay. Its memory will forever be held dear and kept alive out of fear or envy. I gladly succumb for I know no sweeter place than the soothing heaven of his words. Carry me far from where I am. Show me a place where I belong. Your pain will find home and your fragile optimism will find shelter. The rain may soak the shoulders of your cloak, but I will see to it that your love will be returned anew.
The times they are simple no more. Yet they could be. If you knew me. Knew me now. If I could see you. See you now. I waste most of my brand new days. I waste them thinking there was a way for you to know. But I stay lonely and alone, hanging onto the threads that you so carefully orchestrate to hang between the ones who desire and you, who desires none at all. But life could not be sweeter even if it’s bitter sweet. Even if only pain knows the sweetest remedy. I would not wish to change anything, to change anyone for you. You are not who you sing to be. Nor did you ever say you were.
If times become simple again, I might have you. If I wait it out, I might know you. But till then, I will listen and learn. In awe, in disbelief, in love, in bitter loneliness. In hope, in fear, in envy.
