these parts

Somewhere between a beautiful day and an impenetrable wall, between a doubtful beginning and a doomed existence is the love that we shared. Not boasting, not even visible, just silently breaking still. After all these years, still able to hurt, still able to flare, to make a lightning flame: burn me to the bone. The memories are covered in sand, deep enough to never be seen, soft enough for the wind to blow them bare. With this burden I travel the roads you and I were never to see together. I take the words to people who know nothing of the story of us. But you hold these parts. I succumb to the grip and in glorious sunshine let go, fall onto the soft web of memories.

In joyful reminiscence, in the blissful summer sun, with winds finally resting to take breaths is where you will find me. The songs like hammocks hold my moth-eaten soul. In this mesmerizing infirmary I rest until I feel strong enough to walk on. My lungs are filled with sin, my legs feel unused, my heart barely beating. This day saves me. Slowly I rise, take flight, travel to places unfamiliar, see the world through my own eyes. For years you have tainted me, haunted my every move, your words like echoes rang clear in my ears. For so long I have tried to stay afloat with a foot full of lead. But then you left, taught me to softly say goodbye, to turn and walk alone, to hold my broken parts and show the healing sun. Our souls chained, we moved through water in slow motion, but no more. Now I glide in shoreless seas, soar in uninhibited skies. I have found peace in a life without your love.

Time spent with you was golden, bursting with life. Time spent with you was shoots growing, flowers blossoming, rivers growing. Time with you was unthinkable to ever end. Each moment marked, each softly spoken word noted, recorded so as to never be forgotten. Time spent with you was high flying and sturdy kites. Colourful shapes blown by the wind, dried by the sun. There were times the adventures took us to fields and forests. Other times we lost ourselves in the jungle of one city after the other. Each building held us captive, watched as we left bits of ourselves at their feet. We roamed rivers and untraveled roads. We climbed trees and walls, sat on the edges of lakes. The distance between you and I was invisible, held together by a wire that we knew would never snap. Time with you was a flow of memories that kept me breathing under the heavy void your parting caused. 

 

I would still break these walls and choose to fall. For you. You are my sweet ghost, the one where all memories start. You are the root of these wounds, these beautiful scars. Your name never leaves, your face lingers and becomes part of the new that grows to make me who I am. In humble gratitude I think of you, even now. In honest confession I know that I would do it all again. For you.