31 things

There are days when my heart is full. Full from just a word or a thought that you have taken time to share. Full from the love that we once had, the love that forever holds us together. Love that was never fireworks in a dark night, love that has been like roots of a sturdy tree, withstanding, dependable and kind. Friends of my deepest heart, enemies of my unclear sky, these days have been filled with you. These days I feel, these days I fear: make me.

I am hanging between my deepest fears, my dearest hopes.

The days pass uncontrollably and remind me how feeble each attempt is.
I hope there is yet a lot I still will achieve.
Knowing the limits is impossibly hard, learning them takes time, a painful process.
I am settled, unsettled, restless, content.
Change is driven by the desire to want more. I seldom want more, I always want much, much more.
I have never really been challenged to forgive.
I have never been challenged to really love.
Sadness makes me whole.
Kindness I will forever value the most in you.
I deplore those who are not humble.
If you did not know, I am weak.
Sorrow in a stranger’s voice soothes me.
If searching means finding absolutes and definites, then I will search always.
Belief takes almost all of me.
Confidence is gained and lost, with just one word you hand it, you steal it from me.
I have thought myself capable of more, then grow silent and content with all that I have achieved so far.
By fate I have been stranded in a life that is only almost.
For too long I have waited.
My faults are many, most severely I have only allowed my heart to be touched once.
I am unable to make my past, my past.
Being reminded that I am not enough lights the fire, kills me burning.
Seeing more makes me more.
Wherever, whenever, words make me smile.
I am the last man standing in the fight to prove not every heart is evil.
Dreams I cry after, I have painfully let go.
There are only a handful of you who know me, you save me.
For these lines I have but one to thank, but I never do.
I am fortunate beyond belief.
If you were to take it all away, I would try to thank you.
If you were to stay a little longer, I would tell you to find your reflection in the words that I have stolen or borrowed.