Towards The Sun

In this state of superfluous bliss there is only one way to reach the water. The humming, constant, the ever changing water. The one that silently guides, teaches, shows a better version of the self when all other facets have run dry. I trace my steps, careful to stay in line with the banks of the river. To follow its curves and currents towards all that which is unknown. In this state of unsure measures the steps become light, much lighter than in times of certainty. Resting for a while then gazing far ahead, accepting what is to come, seeing for the first time what has been unseen for an immeasurable time. On the surface of the water the ice is stirring. Uneasy the state of these blocks, unsure when they must melt or sink. Then they all are pulled into the unending depths of the powerful, spring hungry river. This is unseen by anyone.

These things you sing to me, I lose sight of. How wonderful those days were, how hopeful amidst the hopeless trap of winter. The icicles leaving their marks on the trees outside. The frozen landscape draped in a winter hue, blue and grey. The hills hostile, the sky menacing, the creatures all hidden or bad mannered from the tiresome fight for existence. Still, you held my hand and guided me to the place you say is the same in sun, same in ice. Shielded from the unforgiving winds of the north I stood to watch the magnificent view below. This is where the heart stops. This here, you said, is where it all ends. The silence like a concrete block crushed our lungs, I was left speechless. In this frozen world, in this silent, frost ridden empire, this motionless landscape all but one of your words stayed with me. You said it was this way towards the sun. The flickering light shined through the withered branches. It almost blinded me. I was unsure of the path, missed the water and seemed to be terrified of the timeless consequence of winter. An imprint, a moment captured, endless slumber until spring stirs. You had a glint in your eyes, you enjoyed this cool mannered world. I slowly started seeing what you had wanted to show me. We set off, in silence, to reach the place where we could finally see the sun. 

This place we come back to, this present that we engulf our lives in is neither calm nor hectic. The answers are gathered in a neat and orderly fashion for each query that may arise. There are things we may want and will be able to have. There are things we want and will never have. There are things we never want and will learn to accept. You accept me and in turn, I accept you. Winter accepts its inevitable demise to spring. Spring, the coy and uncourteous, never realising the responsibility that lies in defeating winter. Abundant self confidence, almost beyond tolerable arrogance. Spring descends and we are all lured into its childishly free, carelessly loving tricks, spectacles of blossoms, ridiculous scents, amazing sights. Winter leaves, saddened and bitter, once again hardened by the maltreatment and adamant in returning with a vengeance. Be kind, all of you, be kind to winter. Marvel at its sights, at its doing. Wish for the silence to linger, for life to halt its business a little longer. Be in no hurry to see the sun, be in no hurry to want the cold to go.

In the end it is just me and you, resting our hearts on the river’s bank. We missed the great reprise, almost missed the day that looked like all other days of winter. You remind me. You remind me why it is that we must slow with the river in the cold, why it is most rewarding to be not seen when paraded. There is a secret in how we see the days in each season. The light is somehow kinder now. The illusion is a part of you, it will always be a part of me. I teach you to love the river, love it like I do. You teach me to love winter, to love it like you do. In this frost covered jungle, Amazonian whites and Saharan blues greet us each day. We are not surprised, never caught off guard. We let the winds lift the heavy burden from our hearts, then weightless we hope there is just enough time to reach the sun. We hurry, in every season, we hurry towards the sun. I wait for you, like all other times, I wait for you to take my hand and lead me strongly towards the sun.