The nakedness of the soul. To show the self stripped of all its glory. To tell the world the most private secrets. To hang every detail in the air for it to catch a drift and fly where it was never intended to go. Every fantasy blown up into billboard size. Where everyone can see everything till then hidden. To unmask the well protected spirit so that others can poke fun of. Shall I dare? Shall I dare as well?
I take centre stage. I want to tell my story. I want to be brave and show the parts that are sometimes dark. I want to enjoy the light. I want to say goodbye to Alice in Wonderland. I want to be afraid of the plans, the ideas, the yearnings in my mind. I want to say everything that I’m scared of accepting. I want to rid denial. I want to bathe in the beauty that surrounds me. I want to see the certain and I want to walk the road that equips me with the passion that keeps burning for all eternity. I want to embrace the desire. I want to live every reverie not running away but running towards the unknown.
So much power is lost in the voice. So much is lost between the mind and the mouth. Words escape me and all I am left with is the skeleton, the hard shell, which scarcely reminds me of the idea. It bears no resemblance to the one I had so clearly seen in my mind. But there is a constant need, desire to better myself. There is a constant yearning to see something more. I want to use these words, these words that are my friends one day and swear an oath against me the next. I want to lure them into my realm so that they will never want to escape me. I want them to obey and make stories for everyone to read. I want them to be proud and dance around the page like queens in a diamond ballroom. I offer them friendship in the hope that they will not forsake me. I will treat them right. I will give them ideas that will never tire their enthusiasm. I will take care of them and cherish their little lives. I want them to accompany me on this road that I want to be brave enough to embark on. The road I must start walking on sooner or later. The path that terrifies me. The one that I please by giving pieces of myself when it wants to whole of me.
And time. Time never leaves my side. Time reveals itself and shows its magic only to me. Sometimes I get lost with time on a field covered with flowers of all colours. I lie there dreaming of stillness and time next to me dreams of an end to eternity. What is tiresome to me is a pleasure for time. So I take time by the hand and show both of us the strength that I have inside. The strength that I am learning day by day to tame. There are things to fear for my friends the words and my friend time as well. I have demons and powers, devils and angels inside me that are shouting ever louder. They want to escape and see the surface. Those who choose to walk by my side will have to make their peace with every part of me. With all of me. All the twists and all the unknown and all the untamed and hidden and secret and protected.
Once I’ve grown old and will see the past before me like a map, I want to turn to my words and thank them. I want to stroke them and have tears fill my eyes. I want to bow before them and appoint them the real masters. I want to embalm them and see them take their rightly deserved place on the page protected by a heavy cover. Page after page. Them smiling back at me with content. I want to live to see that day. I want to live to be all I want to be. I want to have my words do the talking for me. This is all I want.
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