A Good Heart

Dragging my feet through the winding alleyways of life, sometimes in a careless skip, some other times in dreary disbelief, heavy from the burden, light from the simplest notes that dance around me when the gentle snow is falling silently on the ground before me, I take an unexpected stop. Take count of things that have been and those that I still await. With fear and excitement I halt to wait for time to rush forward. So I can keep track. Standing still to gather courage for the road that lies ahead, to muster strength to move forward, to see, appreciate all that is around. No other agenda, just the majestic beauty in each carefully orchestrated step. Those steps might be pre-meditated, might be random, might be my own choice, might be a part of some greater plan. I might have faith along the way, I might spend my days aimless.

In the stillness I know that I have your good heart. Good, strong heart. I learn from it, learn how to make my own heart compassionate, forgiving. I have to be ready, prepare for those who I’m yet to meet. You teach me each day. In wondrous amazement I listen to hear what your heart says. Mostly it stays silent. In the silence I search for my own beat, steady but young and frivolous. Your heart knows how to love, how to forgive. My heart only knows how to cheat the feelings that might be harmful. Taking chances seldom, adhering to a distance that assures safety. A full heart that wishes no pain. Kindly you take my hand, each passing day you show me a little more, show me how to guard my heart without shutting away its beautiful tenderness. I cry most nights. I open the light to my heart to you, a liberating deed. I fear that it’ll break, my heart’s not as good as yours. You move without a word, console me, my weeping eyes, my saddened soul, promise to make my heart as good as yours. On dark, deep winter nights, when the ice plates form on the backs of rocky rivers, when the snowflakes lock to make a soft carpet, I let myself believe, fall into the silence of the deep night in perfect belief that my heart can be as good as yours.  

I plan in unity, I plan in solitude. Whichever way the road bends, my road, the one that brings me to a long, slow stop, I know that there is time to prepare my heart. That for however long you are there to help teach me to see confidence as virtue, honesty as bravery, humility as strength, I will walk with a straight back. I may not have known how to see clear if it wasn’t for you. Wherever the road may lead, with whomever I am supposed to walk my path, I know that I need a good heart. In all decisive measures the heart is pivotal. I may lose you soon, I may lose you only with the end of a lifetime, your heart may turn hard and mine ugly. We might lose each other and we might lose our good hearts, but we lose each day, just as we gain each passing minute more of the wholeness, more of the courage to march on. March as the load gets heavier, march as the love grows fainter, march as forgiveness becomes impossible. Hardened by the years and broken by the bitterness, the good heart will need our pristine memories to come to a living beat.  

I remember when fear left me unable to move. I remember how you came to hold me then. I remember how I felt the unstoppable beat of your good heart.  I knew then I wanted my heart to have no other beat.