In My Blood and In My Bones

Amongst the mango trees, you’ll find Babylon: that place that saw you young. Saw you believe in the goodness of strangers. Saw you love fully and fearlessly. That place that held your hand, held your love’s hand. Held the joy that filled your heart, let it spill over in a scream, in a frantic yell of victory. And you believed that you held the key to your secrets. Believed that no-one else knew what you had discovered. There was you and there was the other, fatefully bound by one night, by one careless confession. The letters curled on the page, danced as they spelled out I love you. No trace of doubt, not one question mark, no whimpers to plant the seed of disbelief. Years went by without a question, without realising that your dreams were no longer the same as mine.

Like young lovers do, you whispered promises. Promises that grew high as heaven. Promises that had to be broken. Promises that became lies once they left your mouth. You knew that they had to be crushed, but the illusion tied you in a haze. Neither one of you wished to be freed from the grip. Comforting those times were, unparalleled was the beauty, unflinching was the hedonism with which each hour passed.

And I fell towards the evening, that sweet mist that carried this twisted hope. Yet I feel no anger or fury. I demand no explanation. Just one look from you. Just that look from the corner of your mischievous eyes throwing a careless wink and I know, so truly know that there is no other song I’d rather sing than yours. No matter how the day ends, in unruly misery or blissful contentment, I will stay in your blood and in your bones. Your careless words and loving ways will forever stay in my blood and in my bones.

You save me from being torn. Like a quiet sailboat rocking on a peaceful lake, you make space for me to rest my heavy heart on your homely deck. Together we rock to the beat of sorrow: some days slowly, some other days in a tempest of desperation and frustration. Every majestic sunset makes me bow my sinful soul to the grandness of all that surrounds us. I shudder at your grace and grow impatient when you halt my excited words. Wisdom is what is worth more, you teach me. Still, as unwise and thoughtless as I may be, there is you to show me how to guide my young heart towards peace. With you I find peace.