Time – what if I had You.

A pointless infatuation with something that’s past. With someone who’s never been. Reappearance, or the illusion of it, somehow can throw the self into a dark and damaged state. The right to be tortured and tormented grows with every time the heart gets shattered. Hang on, there’s a life to be lived here. Pain, even if dire, will seduce the yearning soul into thinking it is living. Then it thrives and seldom leaves. Wait to see if you can stand. If you can get up from the floor. Count the minutes that pass, the pain that sets in. Watch as the soul gets emptied and another spirit takes its place. A more cautious and careful spirit, a more rational and pragmatic spirit. There are lots of different ways to live. Each day can change us all, eternally.

So when you enter again, in such a fashion, having never been here before, is when my life unwinds. Stranger, here I give my heart. You can’t see, can you? I always pick the ones who cannot be. Who cannot be mine. To you I offer my all. But what if my all is not pleasing to your eyes? In every season I find winter, wrap my flawed body in many layers, hide what could appear unpleasant to you. You need not ever unwrap.

Our story goes: the Moon was half full. Soft melody danced around the room and got us drunk with its hazy and seductive words. All it took was just one lonely glance. You had me. Once you knew you held time, you pulled me ever closer to you. I was shy, you were curious. I was afraid, you were adventurous. I was damaged, you were strong. In the safeness of your hands I began to uncoil. Traced my once proud self back to how it used to live. I found my voice. No longer alone, I walked straight, stooping only once in a while. I let go your hand and never lost balance. Alone was just as free as with you. Every secret wanted to belong to you, so I let them make the trip from my heart to yours. You kept them safe. You would have kept them safe. You would have kept me safe. If only you had ever been. Been mine.

You look lonely, lonely in that picture. I hope it was just that moment, that unfortunate moment when the iris closed. You breathed and showed a much happier face the moment after. Time caught you off guard. Time tricked me into believing in you. If only I had you. If only you had ever been.