We are doing something very wrong

Thought you had all the answers to rest your heart upon.

Nobody has all the answers. Everyone goes through life trying their best to figure out what the meaning is. Some find deliverance in hands thrust high above whilst chanting about love, a love that I truly question they feel for The Saviour. But it’s there that they find the meaning. There are others who build dreams and lives on paper, whatever colour that may be, however fickle it may be, the sound and smell of money mean meaning to them. There are those who blindly navigate arms and ships and planes and themselves into other arms and ships and planes and people and bask in the glory of holy sacrifice. But nobody, not any of these people have all the answers. They simply choose to take a moment, a decisive moment of high as a rule of thumb for the rest of their lives.

If I was to wear a cloak of a person who speaks to many others: words of wisdom or truth or neither, I would find myself entangled in a desperate lie. If this world would not twist my stomach and would not turn my insides out from the deep disgust that it triggers in me, I would love to consider speaking the truth to others. I would love to devote myself to the search of a truth, to the search of an answer to everything. I would stand on mountains so high and would gaze in the dreamy eyes of innocent children down in the deep. I would walk fields of wheat and corn and meadows of fresh grass and woods of ancient oak trees. I would become one with the desert and one with the ocean and one with the body of the earth that I would kiss each time I spoke. But there is nothing in this world as I know it that would tempt me to follow whoever has gone before me and use what little resource I have to teach.

But it is I who is the cowardly. It is I who chooses not to look when looking is all that’s required of me. It is I who turns the page when the page needs staring at. And ultimately it will be I who will walk away from a destiny for the want of something more. My words will reach no-one and my teachings will never begin. I will never be enough to start to share and I will hide and speak only to those who come find me. The challenge is, that amidst all the evil, all the killing, the hatred, the lies, the blood: to see a seed where a shoot can grow from. To find that place that’s untouched by the wrongs of humans and bring back the love for each other without the banalities of preaching a perfect kingdom. Perfection has been lost eternally. The answers lie wasted and hidden away never to be found. Never to be found.

God, if he knows at all, is staying very quiet. God, if he sees at all, is staying very quiet. Men, who follow God, stay very quiet. Evil, that opposes God, laughs so loud it bursts my ears. Evil, that opposes God, finds many strayed hearts to convince to follow the loudness. But the answers, that would bring an end to all that make me not want to be the creator of words and ideas and stories and thoughts, have flown so far they can never be caught. The answers dance their sacred and voluptuous dance around all of us who try to woo them into our realms. They never give themselves to any of us, because somewhere along the way and up to this moment, we are doing something very wrong.

Thought you had all the answers to rest your heart upon.