From Work

I've never done this, but I will post from work. Most blogs I've read were written from the work place, when people had a moment to spare. More than a moment is what I have to spare. If only there was a moment, I wouldn't write this post. I also think that for once I should cast aside all my literary ambitions and write something that people can read and grasp and respond to. I tend to wander off into places that are even sometimes hard for my mind to follow. I just write and when it comes to reading the lines back and attaching meaning to them, I'm swimming in the stream of ambiguity.

But now time is on my side. I have an hour and a quarter left from sitting here pretending I'm coordinating and then I'm off. It's not the lack of anything that makes me feel uneasy. It's the abundance of time that I have to grapple with every day. There is only so much database updating you can do in a day. There is only so much excel sheet alterations you can do to crown your day. The repetitiveness of it all sometimes makes me go insane. And I am not a veteran, just a rookie, a dreamy eyed, inexperienced, full of mistakes rookie. But my mistakes are not embalmed and not nurtured to grow into small triumphs, they are nipped at the bud and killed instantly by the hands of the most ruthless one. Teaching is seldom what happens. Rhetoric with a tone of aggression is what stares in my face if my path is hindered by a mistake.

Maybe this is the way to learn. Maybe by hitting my face against a mirror, I will eventually begin to see. I will begin to see if my eyes are not blinded by blood and pieces of the broken mirror. I will see where I have gone wrong if enough pressure is exerted on me. If only hypocrisy would not breed in places it was never meant for. There is little I can do but silently disagree or take the pain and walk the line. But who am I kidding? Y'all can't walk no line.

Right peeps, only an hour left. Frustration will lead me one day to pack my bags and leave. This company does not have a power over me that can chain me to the now. I will fly if I'm further bruised and battered. I will not allow any dirty soul to throw sand in my face. Now here take this, from the workplace, undisturbed and uninterrupted, all along lovely on the outside but purely rotten on the inside. Venture with me further than you ever imagined you could be. Grin and fake the emotions until it's time to stop and cheer on the next. The task is set.