How these hearts they stop

It seems easy for you. The pace of life, the phases that pass through. Understanding the knots and how we must tangle then untangle. I envy the ease with which you talk of your aspirations, the things that you have learnt to naturally desire. You say that you have thought it through and now know, most certainly know what you want. We sit in silence. I turn to the wall and wish I had it figured out like you. The silence is not broken for a long time. Uncomfortable. Then I sigh a desperate sigh.

You know the winter winds one day will settle down.

You know the talk of spring will push us off the ground.

It was never clearly spoken, just assumed. These things do not need to be taught, they are absolute. Measures by which we live our lives, rights and wrongs, the essence which drips through our mother’s milk drop by drop to fill the core of the soul. These things that make up the path that we must follow. Unquestioning some stand in line whilst others who do not know how or cannot, yearn. Some do not want and frown at everyone who tries to steer them towards the rights they believe to be true. Do. Not. Ever. Impose your beliefs on me. Do. Not. Ever. I become a virtual tagger and my sentences like golden quotes appear on every street corner that you pass. I am enclosed in frames, you were never free. 

These things I must quickly learn. The hurt is too deep, the parts that die with everyone who leaves cripple the soul. Soon I will be unable to stand, soon I will wither away with the last of them. These days are unbearable to me, even just the thought. Should I blame those who never showed me how it really would be? Stay in this cocoon, stay sheltered from the winds and the rain, never see the snow, never climb to see the sun rise or set. I am not happy knowing, I am devastated if I learn that I was not taught or told. Here lies the responsibility, the unending task of those who decide to become responsible. Teach them not just how it naturally occurs, but also how these choices can be made to better or worsen. To ruin or just be. One day we will all be left standing by an open grave.

There are some things so hard I wish they wouldn’t bruise.

Everyone that you loved you will one day you will lose.

When these temporary times are up, we must sum up the things done right or wrong and take leave. I have learnt to love. I have learnt to accept. I have learnt that I am responsible for all things that I create. I have learnt that I am the maker of my own magical potions. Some days I succeed at being a sorcerer. This here is what I have conjured, it may constitute some kind of cure. But then you weep. Weep endlessly because all is not how you envisioned it would be. You were taught different. You were taught there is no end and now the gaping hole inside you is killing off the parts still alive. This is how disappointed must feel like. This is how living must be like.

These wonderful hearts stopped. With no warning at all. Now you are alone, the pain will outlive your memories. You fell to your knees just as they slowly took their grace. A busted thief is what you are. Not to be trusted, not to be cared for. You took the last minutes and hold them ransom, never letting anyone else have them. Never letting anyone else into that secret pact. I was never taught to know death. I cannot learn now how to be with you. The tears pull me closer, the mutilated soul holds me captive and I grieve with you. Just until the sun shines a little stronger. Until we learn together that the past cannot be made present and that the present is only here momentarily. Just until it slips back into the past again.

You know these winter winds will soon be settling.

Even the sun will shine, one day it will be spring.