Please Don't Keep Me.

These are my broken parts, this is my soul before you. You can accept, in understanding lean a kind hand and wipe the tear off my cheek. Find consoling words, find a cushioned corner of your hectic day and let me rest. Let me catch my breath after undertaking the almost impossible task over and over again. Fearless is what you have to be. Fearless of the fall, fearless of the reception. You could look me in the eye and find kind words to leave your mouth. You used to be like that, I used to run to you for cover. Times have changed and now I know how you will react. Do not worry, I am prepared. Unlike last time, I know that your vicious tongue will not spare me. Will not spare my words. I know that you lure me as close as the doorway then shut both wings firmly. I feel the air on my face, I mistake no breeze for that. My legs hold me up while my soul shatters. Gone. Lies in pieces on the ground.

I cannot have a master as unpredictable as you. Like a whirlwind you sweep through me. One day you give, the next you don’t. But I have vowed! Those words mean nothing to you? After all time has passed. I have been a fool. You have made me better, you have enriched me in ways I will never know to express. You have caused pain, you have encouraged expectations. I kept you at bay, but there were times when you have surfaced. You are still my master, I am still yours to have. From this bond it is impossible for me to break. It is through vanity that you hold me, pull me in further and I cannot but follow. This time there may be truth to what you had promised. This time it might be different. It never is. It never is.  

Keep me. Keep me so I have you to feed, so I have use for my words, so I have a place for these talentless lines. Will you keep me? I will continue because that is all I know to do. You should too. I will be your best audience if you promise you will be mine. I have no power to break free, I have no bravery. I cannot cross over as easy as you. This is my place, this is where I ought to stay. You sadden me, you show me just how worthless we  all are and I come to the conclusion that it is not through free will, but a cunning predisposition that I am destined to create. What about you? You can still argue, I won’t stand in the way.  

It is night again, I am ready to meet the beast. The journey has been greater than anything I could have ever imagined. As real as you all were along the way, I know that it has been my mind playing tricks on me. It is now back to the dark, the lonely, the depth of ambiguity and inconsequence. This has been an amazing experience, one I shall cherish for years to come. Now it is time for me to travel back to the place I know best. Leave you all in your honest or not so honest ways. Leave you to judge me through yourselves. Leave you to read into these lines whatever you felt free to read. They were written for you. They will continue to be written for you. Now I must go, please don’t keep me.