The Shrouded Secrecy of Others

I am broken to little pieces but you see a whole.
I never knew how to do but did none the less.
I cover my body with lies to show a truthful soul.
I hate the way I look but spend hours trying to make you like me.
I seldom believe I can make it through the day but hold diplomas to say I am the best.
I don’t trust anyone around me but pretend to confide in strangers.
I pray without faith.

I am empty inside but I teach how to enrich the soul.
I am a recluse always surrounded by people.
I lied that I enjoyed your company.
I was happy to see that you were not doing better than me.
I broke your heart out of boredom.
I say I’m happy but I’ve never really been.

I am unsure if I ever wanted the life I have.
I gave up on the truth already.
I am reckless only when people are watching.
I still try to justify my decisions.
I am weak to change but dictate my terms to others.
I don’t believe in compromise but force it upon those I supposedly love.

I cheated on everything that mattered.
I can’t change but preach of a white washed soul.
I favour violence but I’m afraid in the dark.
I said you glow like the sun, I lied.
I know it was my fault but spend years arguing it never was.
I blame others to escape from the burden of responsibility.
I never said anything I meant; only what you wanted to hear.

I am glad I can’t have children but pretend to be crushed when others are present.
I fear the future but say I don’t.
I always knew I could never succeed but was too proud to quit.
I admit defeat only when it’s too late.
I pushed you away in the hope that you would come back.
I still want someone to show me how life’s done.
Saving you was an accident.

I don’t love you.
I know that you know.

You can make it better by blowing in my ear.
Can you blow until I disappear?