So this is goodbye

My heart is aching from change. Change that must inevitably come, that must sweep across and create opportunities whilst demolishing already existing patterns. Upsetting the equilibrium that has been constructed for ease of mind. Change, like a devastating storm, a hurricane, lashes out at all corners of the soul. I break. I learn to live with the pain of letting go, whilst cherishing every memory. I break from the burden of the past. I see only pain. To mourn the time passed is the only way to celebrate its existence. The tears are heavy still and roll down my cheeks as they hurry to hit the ground and with a sound of splash announce their painful arrival at the end of the journey.

Here’s to love, to friendship. Here’s to your phantom that follows me, traces my steps back to its own, holds me captive. Here’s to the future that may hold a kind of happiness that is to this day unknown. It is certain that my heart will have to endure changes on a much larger scale yet. I am afraid that it is simply not cut out to bear the burden. I fear love will not have the bravery to call my name again.

I don’t lightly use words like forever. I know that forevers, they come and go. Some moments are easy, some others I find hard to live through. In my weakest I promise you forever and in your weakest you believe my insincerity. Then we’re both hurt and now I cannot fathom a life without you. I have not said a word and you have not promised me a thing. I will vanish as quickly as I have appeared. I will take my forevers with me and ask your ghost to kindly leave. Leave like a lover who has to say goodbye.

So let this be goodbye.
So this is goodbye.