My Dear Love

My Dear Love,

Where it went wrong, I know not. We found ourselves on different continents, unable to cross. We tried until we could, until we saw reason and then threw the attempt at the wind and set it free to sail around the world. We bowed our heads and crying turned away, embarked on a path that lead away. The body turned, but the heart stayed longing, sad and bruised. The pain descended and has refused to leave ever since. Not always apparent but it is making its omnipresence felt, time and time again. How could I forget?

Time is relative and malicious, tainting memories that stay untouched for prolonged periods. This is why my dear one, I cannot trust my own memory when it comes to you. I have no memory of you but find a chest filled with your sweet presence. I do not know you, yet I whisper my secrets only to you. I am yet to meet you, yet you already know my everything. No matter how close or far you are, or what those terms mean, the bond should never be allowed to break. The bond should never have been allowed to break. Now you blush for you’ve sinned many a times. And I stay strong and loving and turn a blind eye to all you’ve done before you got to know me. I humbly place my soul on a platter for you to take. I am hungry for more.

I miss you. The pain is vivid and alive. If I knew you, I’d miss you more, or I might have already vanished from the excruciating pain your parting is causing. I cannot cope with the open wound on my heart. Every time it tries to heal itself and mend the gasping hole, you come and rip it open, tear it apart, crush the little vessels carrying the fresh blood to make it whole. I cry, in the dead of night, a desperate cry for you. You never hear, you never heard, you never answer. Your eyes smile on someone else, oblivious to my existence and the fact that you’re yet to meet the one who cringes for you, alone, in the solitude of nothing else but pain. Once you’ve walked away, left me to die of hunger for you and now you look back but flinch at my sight. The pain is eating me up alive so I plan to set my soul free, to wander unrestrained the world looking for you. Will you sing till my wandering soul is found?

Where is the place you and I can be in each other’s arms? Is there a haven waiting for us? I live on streets you know nothing of. You might place your steps in mine, day after day. I have not seen where you are, you do not know where I am. I am in a place that I have fallen in love with, yet hate my place in it. I twist and turn around, I loath to see my reflection but love to stare at the water. The sight is sometimes too much to bear. You’d rather be anywhere but where you are now. You’d rather watch the stars with me, standing on the riverbank at night when neither of us can see the reflection glittering in the water. You’d rather hold my hand on the silent street. You’d rather walk freely behind me. You’d rather be a shadow that can never tame me. You’d rather love me than to live without me.

Even if the pain never goes away, I will keep your memory safe with me. If I never notice you, I want you to know that I would give my all to have you. Even if you never remember, I will never forget. Stay sweet my dear unknown, first and worst love.