Photography - up, close and dark....a tale of the process of developing stills

For a minute I went blind. It seemed unreal at first that such darkness could ever exist. But it did and the light was not given mercy or shown the way in. I sat there waiting for the minutes to pass, trying to pretend that what I was not seeing was not scaring me. “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” Should I believe a so naïve and beautiful, idealistic and romantic statement? It was dark. It was dark for a long time. A fraction of a second was recorded on a piece of celluloid then darkness descended. A lot can happen without the eye ever catching a whim of what is going on. There is time to contemplate, to ponder, to reflect. Fear can overshadow even the most inviting darkness, but to live fearlessly one has to give up life itself. I ventured not this far, but only as far as imagining life without sight, for I had the time and the complete darkness. I was moved by the inability, by the temporary paralysis. The mouth was moving, the hands were free, but there seemed no logical reason to move anything for there was no end in sight. There was no sight. All this because the film was being developed. Because the scratching micro particles of the light left their outline of the blurred figure sitting on the bench. We tried to recall history. We tried to bring back a moment from the past, the entity that we thought we could never rule over. But that as well has been lost to the power of the mortal man. Light kills the evidence of the past ever existing, so we hid it as well as we could. The film has to be developed to document even if it’s only portraits of unrecognisably insignificant deities. First comes the fumes, then there’s the long bath in the chemicals, that’s when it gets dark. Then there’s more bathing, rinsing and hanging. This process involves only the imagination, for when light comes the image is still faded, blurred, mirrored and echoes of halfness ring through it. But it’s means to a picture, to a piece of debatable history. Taking pictures is playing with the light and accepting the darkness that seems like an eternity. Taking pictures is seeing more than others take in and going blind for a minute.